Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Why Am I Still Single? Part 1

"I just don't get why you're still single..." seems to be the popular phrase or topic of choice in regards to me lately. The good news is I'm in the same boat as the person saying it to me, as in I don't get it either. Actually, I do...but it doesn't make that comment any less annoying amusing.

It's my choice. And gasp, it's something that, considering where I am in my life...it is exactly where I want to be. (This isn't to say if I met Mr. Right, I wouldn't fall madly in love and stop being single...This isn't saying I'm opposed to meeting Mr. Right. Seriously. I have 2 wingmen. (Different story for a different time...) And, this isn't to say that I haven't been on some epically bad dates lately, I have.).

So why am I choosing to be single?  For a few reasons, but I'm only highlighting one this week:

1) I don't believe in settling.  Within the past year I've dated two separate guys (at two separate times). Guys who were perfect on paper. As in: they had secure, six-figure jobs they loved and they were both in their late twenties; they loved Jesus; loved to wine and dine me; wanted seriously relationships--both of them talked to me about engagements, houses, kids; both had advanced degrees; athletic; handsome; you get the point. 

When I was with one of them I was  completely devoid of emotion.  Not bored, but just drained.  I felt nothing in regards to him.  He would talk about how he L_ved me (which freaked me out) and missed me, etc. and I would literally feel nothing of that sort.  What I felt the most about this one was guilt.  I felt so guilty all the time that I didn't feel anything toward him, and so guilty that he felt this way about me...and the worst part was that I couldn't reciprocate.

When I dated the other one I felt stressed.  Not like the driven, competitive stress that I thrive on.  But the "oh, sh*t, I have to entertain you" type of stress.  He was, also incredible, but someone that made me feel that I had to somehow earn his praise, attention, etc. It was exhausting. Plus, there was absolutely no chemistry. Like when he kissed me for the first (and last) time, I called my buddy KM in tears asking him what was wrong with me.  Thankfully KM had no problem telling me that I was in fact a great kisser, and that being bored when you kiss someone for the first time is pry a red flag,  and that a kiss that made me cry was pry one of the funniest things ever.

Which brings me back to my original premise. I don't want to settle. I can't let myself settle for someone who has 'everything...but' or for someone that I don't feel anything toward.  Sure that may make me sound selfish, mean, or as one of them referred to me as a 'cold-hearted b*tch.' (he's still single if anyone is interested).

 As one of my friends from undergrad said in an email the other day: Emily, you're going to need one hell of a man to keep up with you...no ordinary men allowed. So that's exactly what I'm going to wait for...someone who isn't "Everything...but," but someone who is "Everything."


  1. Amen amen amen! I love this, Em. TOO many awesome, smart, Jesus-lovin' gals settle for someone less than God's best for them just to have "a boyfriend". You hit the nail right on the head :) Thanks for your honesty..great great post! Also, I'm excited for all your postings in November! Be blessed this week!! :)

  2. Good for you. And, I hear you - feel the excact same way about the When Are You Having a Baby question!

  3. Ahh I love this!
    It's funny isn't it, I used to get the "I don't get why you're single" stuff all the time. Mostly from friends' boyfriends or my cousins or close guy friends. It was nice but also kind of frustrating. And I totally agree that you should wait for someone who is everything :) you deserve it!

  4. I totally agree with everything you said. Nobody should ever settle in a relationship, and I'm glad you're smart enough to know that. You will be happier for it!

  5. I don't know which is worse... the "I don't know why you are single" question, or when all your friends are married with kids and forget that you ARE single. I seem to have moved from one to the other and both suck!

  6. Holy smokes, blogger finally let me post a comment on here!

  7. AMEN for not settling. Might email you the Claire version of not settling later if Mr C falls asleep (because he's sick, not because it's a secret or anything) because I stayed true to that 100 percent!!! And then found Mr C :)

  8. @Lizanne Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! I'm praying for your week :)

    @I Do Declare--If it makes that question any less obnoxious for you, my mom asks (single) me that same question ALL the time.

    @Rebeka-Yes--the close guy friend part makes me crazy, because certain times its like if you're so baffled by this, why in the world haven't you tried to date me.

    @Legally Lovely--Thanks so much! I wish more people would 'get it' like you do! Good luck on the MPRE on Saturday--I'll send you positive vibes while I'm taking it!

    @Kara...or of the married friends want to vicariously live through a single girl and try to get you to date/be promiscious/etc. Obnox.

    @Claire--Please do!!! I left you my email this morning...also tell Mr. C to feel better :( oxo

  9. this is perfect!!!! i think you're completely right--you shouldn't have to settle for love. you will find someone soon!! it's like that quote..."you're single because God is looking at you saying, I'm saving her for someone special" (or something to that effect! )

  10. I LOVE this--it's perfect! You shouldn't have to settle--you deserve someone who is everything!