Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mr. Wrong...Issue #9

I'm not ashamed to admit I've seen Wedding Crashers too many times.  My favorite characters are the Grandma and the Gay Brother.  A phrase near and dear to my heart from that movie: "Stage Five Clinger."  At first I thought it was only directed at females who were crazy-person clingy but that was before I met Mr. Wrong #9, who we'll refer to as Scotch (the tape--that sticks to you--get it?! (insert me bursting into laughter)).

I had seen Scotch here and there, but never really thought twice about it.  He seemed nice, intelligent, kinda handsome-ish, and again--just nice. He had asked me out for dinner--but I made it clear--it was just as friends, nothing more, nothing less--just friends.  Dinner (Flemings) was delicious, my small talk was at an all time level of awesome, and Scotch was really sweet.  In fact, he was almost too sweet.  He agreed with everything I said.  After telling me what he wanted to do something highly altruistic with his life, I went in the opposite direction with what I wanted to do.  His response "Ohmygosh, me too--I think _______ is so awesome, I would love to do that." (huh?).  Or, telling him that I loved running and cardio after he had just told me he loathed working out, and and preferred video games (no, really) he stated "I love running and lifting--I do it everyday..."

These things, though highly amusing weren't where he got his status at stage five clinger.  Scotch decided to tell me how he had just gotten out of a messy relationship, how much he loved the girl, and then he looked deeply in my eyes, put his hand over mine (if you know me--this is a big no-no), and said "I'm ready to fall in love again." I pulled my hand away and started awkwardly laughing and saying 'I'm so glad we're friends, and you feel comfortable to share that with me--cause that's what friends do--listen...'  Unfortunately that message didn't get across.

The following day he had told numerous acquaintances that I was his girlfriend...Since our dinner (less than 24 hours) he texted me, called me, facebooked me, emailed me, and randomly shown up at one of my favorite places to study (I no longer frequent that coffee shop).  Even worse, he began to give me presents, and ask me on daily sometimes twice daily dates.  I (regretfully, ha) declined.  When he didn't get the message of me saying 'no, thanks' 'sorry I'm busy' 'I really need to take my goldfish for a walk...maybe next year,' I ignored him.

Guess what? He was persistent, which I suppose is some sort of a characteristic of a stage 5 clinger. He kept flooding my inbox (text, facebook, email, voicemail) asking me out--he began showing up to the law school to study in the law library because it is so quiet, and coincidentally we'd bump into each other... It got so bad that my parent's, friends and even I was really really worried.  But then it was Holiday Recess and we were all on break--I didn't hear from him except for the mass texts that everyone sends "Merry Christmas" "Happy New Year" etc...

But then I got an email.  An email apologizing.  Apologizing for not being in better contact with me throughout the past semester, promising that he would try harder to set up dates in advance, and telling me how wonderful I was (although that is normally awesome, in this email it was just depressing).  I showed my parents, a few friends, mainly because I was like 'uhhhh, what am I missing...'  I didn't respond.  Nor did I respond to any of his texts, calls, etc. following the email.

Word on the street: he's interested in a different girl. I'm thanking my lucky stars (and God too...). I've only seen him a few times this semester--and when I do, I turn and walk (all-out sprint) the other way.  Hopefully my next 'nice' guy will actually be 'nice' and not a stage five clinger in sheep's clothes.

Have you ever dated a clingy member of the opposite sex?

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