Tuesday, December 13, 2011

What NOT To Say On A Date

When Studying with a group of guys the other night, one asked when I was going to start blogging about my misadventures in dating again. The others chimed in mentioning since they were so obsessed with my blog they too had been wondering where my bad date and Mr. Wrong stories had gone. After picking my jaw up off the floor, I responded I had stories, but I needed to wait for a bit before posting them--mostly to protect the Mr. Wrong's identities :)

I figured this week I'd let you in on a humorous (but true) list of what NOT to say to your date, and if you're wondering how I possess this wisdom!? Because Every. Single. Statement. On. This. List. has been said to me.

1) I'm ready to settle down, have kids, and get married.
(First of all, wrong order. Secondly, considering this was said on a second date, I majorly freaked out, and was totally weirded out...I know I'm a catch (ha!)...but seriously, make sure we're on the same page before you throw statements like this out there).

2) You remind me of my mom
(and yet you still try to kiss me. you're weird.)

3) You're Going To Pay For This Right?
(uh, you asked me out...I believe in chivalry, so no I'm not paying for you...and if you really want to go out with me but don't have money for dates--guess what...creative (and free) dates are some of the best dates I've been on).

4) Do you mind driving me home...? I really can't get another (3rd) DUI.
(Again the concept of chivalry comes to mind.  Also, unless you're really comfortable with someone--don't get wastey on a date...And if you're getting drunkie on a date with someone you barely know that's kinda a red flag--plus you look like a lightweight. Another DUI?! Where do I even start with that comment--oh I know, running for the hills and not looking back).

5) What Date Is Your Magic Number...? (When Asked To Elaborate, He Explained The Date That Would Get Him Some Mind-Blowing _ _ _).
First of all, a lady never tells. Secondly, what a hussy if you're asking that. Seriously, as much as I'm dying to be a notch in your bedpost (along with the rest of the female population), gross. Third, this made me laugh hysterically--which wasn't my date's intent--but hey, bold move on his part.

6) My watch cost $12,000, and this isn't even my most expensive watch...
I'm glad you're over compensating for "something" by telling me that. Since I know that, I won't feel any regret ordering an expensive bottle of wine to take home for dinner. Also, I'm a big fan of confidence in guys I date...but that statement is the furthest thing from confidence, instead it is just downright insecure, snotty, and not classy.

7) I hope we don't run into my girlfriend
Well, I hope we do, cause that would be so much fun. I suppose this is better than you telling me you hope we don't run into your 'wife' or 'fiance.' And not to be a 'playa-hater', but I really like the idea of fidelity even if your girlfriend is the worst person in the world...all I can think is if you end up breaking up with her, and dating me, would you do the same thing to me?

8) I'm so over my "Ex," but then happen to mention her another 234897 times
You're not over her. I am not going to be a rebound. I begin to wonder if this is in order to make yourself more attractive by proving you were indeed desirable (at one time) to another female...If you're going through the stages of grief and you haven't reached acceptance...or if it's worked in the past to let a girl see how wounded you are and want to fix you.

9) Any Sort of Political Soapboxing
I don't care if you told me everything that I love about my Political Party, or everything I dislike about the opposing political party, or told me all about your plan to legalize the weezie, or even your 20 year plan which includes you being President...I don't want to hear it on a date. Sure, if we're in a relationship--I'd love to know about your political views--but don't try to change or influence mine if you don't even know them...especially if you're bashing my political party, then it's just awkward.

10) In My Past Life I Was An Mayan God Of War
I'm assuming this means you expect to be treated as such. I'd like to counter that with In My Current Life I'm A Princess. But seriously, in my past life...uhhhh, I can barely deal with my present life so dealing with your current and past life might be a bit much. I suppose it's better than you telling me you were a horsefly or something, but really.

As Always, Thank You For Reading :) (Please Follow Me If You Don't!) AND Fill Me In...What Are Some Of The "More Interesting" Statements You've Heard On A Date?!


  1. laughing out loud at this!! and i CANNOT believe guys would say stuff like that!! yes, you are a princess! :) hope the rest of your finals go well! xoxo

  2. Not that I wish you misfortune in love, but I do think your dating misadventures make for great blog posts. I agree w/ your friends that you should share them more! And #10 - wow; that one is straight from a bad rom-com movie!

  3. Hahaha those are SO awkward! WOW! I would have been so repulsed by ANY of those things.

    I think my most "interesting" date antidote was when the guy I was with wanted to talk about tips on getting your legs super smooth when you shave them, then rubbing his shaved leg against mine. UM, WHAT? He then like, immediately tried to make out with me and got shut the F down! No thank you!

  4. Those are for some good ones. #6 was really interesting. And 10...well, nutcase. Fun stuff.

  5. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I am so glad your dating adventures have made it back onto the blog! I can't believe you went on a date with a former Mayan God of War. You lucky dog, you! ; ) More of these, please! Hope the end of the semester is going well for you!

  6. Oh my gosh all of these just sound awful! And none of them have been said to me! Once though I went to the movies with a guy and he went to the ATM to get cash, leaving me in the line. I reached the front before he got back so I started letting people go in front of me because I was not about to pay so he called me to tell me the atm line was slow and would I mind paying because he would pay for drinks... hello! tickets and drinks do NOT equal the same price! I said no haha!

  7. Haha, these are so bad! I have to say my favorite is the last one. Not that any of these are good, but I can at least figure out how they could come up in conversation. The mayan God of war…can't quite figure that one out.

  8. Oh my word I am crying!

    These are way too good [as a blogpost]

    That last one was my all time favorite, I do believe...