Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Mr. Wrong #18

It was a perfect late summer/early fall day. I had my books, computer, large flavored coffee, iPod, sunglasses and a perfect table outdoors!!!  It never fails (I'm gonna blame it on my friendly face, although it could be the law school textbooks) that people around me seem to want to talk to me.  That day was no exception...I noticed the guy at the table next to me talking to his computer (I talk to Siri on my iphone, so I can't judge too much)--or at least getting frustrated with it by the increasing volume of his voice.  At one of my attempted snotty glances over (hoping to get him to STFU) I happened to catch his eye--and he, without missing a beat, stopped talking to his computer...and started talking to me. (Yes, my iPod was in at this point).

Him: "I promise I'm not crazy, it's just that this girl that I have a skype date with, who I've never met...isn't answering my skype you think I mixed up the times...I've tried to call her 8 times already--do you think I should try again?"
Yours Truly: "No, I think she doesn't want to talk to you...or thinks it's weird that you're skype-ing without meeting."
Him: "Oh, no...we met."
Me: "Okay, well maybe something happened when you met that she didn't care for..."
Him: "We didn't meet in person (looking at me incredulously) we met in a special online dating service."
Me: "That's old are you?" (I don't think online dating is weird (I wouldn't do it), but this guy was surprisingly attractive--and looked young-ish).
Him: "25"
Me: "Still that's really weird...why are you dating online, you're young and cute enough... why can't you just meet girls at the gym, at church, work, volunteering, or at your bar of choice...?" (tact isn't always my strong suit)
Him: "Well, I'm just looking for a certain type of girl that I can't meet anywhere else...I want her to be Catholic."
Me: "Seriously...that's it? Just start spitting game at mass, or you could wait til after the homily is shouldn't have any trouble finding love."
Him: "It isn't so simple, I've been called by God (I meet all the crazies in my city) just like George W. was...and many other great leaders be the President of the United States."
Me: (laughter...then seeing his stony glare) "Oh, shit, you're serious...why do you need a certain type of Catholic girl for this?"
Him: "She needs to be my rock, understand how the public will love me--and not be jealous of their admiration, she needs to support me and my decisions, be someone the country will love, and of course be beautiful and a devout Catholic."
Me: "That sounds simple...that's kinda embarrassing that you haven't been able to find someone yet."
Him: (Not picking up on my sarcasm) "What about you...are you single? I really feel like this meeting could be orchestrated by a higher power. Why don't you tell me about yourself."
Me: Well, I'm 24, I'm in law school...and I have political aspirations myself.
Him: (Grinning like he won the lottery) "Doesn't this feel like it could be (no joke--he looked and pointed at the sky) Divine?"
Me: "Well I do believe that God puts people in our path for a reason, but I don't believe this meeting is Divine in the sense that you do...I'm planning on being the President as well."
Him: "You're way too outspoken...are you always like this? Because I don't think that you'd make a very good First Lady by my side...Can't you understand why I like to meet girls online now?"
Me: (beginning to pack my bags up...biting my tongue) "Thanks for making online dating an even scarier place that I'll never visit...Happy Tuesday!!!"

7 Minutes Later My Phone Buzzes...Facebook Friend Request...Denied.


  1. AHAHAHAHAHA. This was too funny. It totally makes sense now why his Skype date didn't even want to talk to him over the internet. How do you meet these people!? Too bad you didn't accept his friend request; you could have been the First Lady! : )

  2. WHO thinks it's alright to talk to a girl you just met about marrying her? WTF? I'm dying. SOME PEOPLE!

  3. You shoud definately write a book about all of your dates. Whenever I read them they make my day!

  4. That sounds strange. Funny! A little into himself, don't you think?

    Hope you're well. Merry Christmas!